Trust

I'm posting to my blog so regularly that it's now getting scary... Either there's something really amiss with my life or I'm actually becoming an active blogger for want of a better pastime.

Keeping in tune with other posts, this one too shall contain no names.

I have a friend, let's call him X. Now, calling him a friend implies that we share stuff.. ideas, thoughts, words, time and sometimes even secrets. Now sharing secrets requires a mutual trust to exist between two people. So, yes there were some secrets kept between us, not just us but amongst all the people I usually hang out with. Now, this was never said, but I hoped that by an unwritten and unsaid contract, certain things would not be spread outside our circle.

Well I have been occasionally frivolous, almost all my life, especially with people I call friends. However, I believe I have also been as quick to apologize when I was hurting someone's sentiments. Needless to say, this has also happened innumerable times with this friend.

Today, I just found out some strange things. Quite accidentally, and almost unintentionally, I stumbled upon some piece of evidence that pointed to the fact that this "friend" had been discussing some of the things I had said unintentionally and accidentally with people whom I had wished not to know those things. And unfortunately, I'm quite sure he knew it.

Well, it's too troublesome confronting people, and needless to say, I won't confront him, for now at least. However, it's not easy to forget such things. Now, the matter that was discussed was probably quite silly and not very important, but it did make me question myself about the integrity of the people I keep as friends around me.

I may sound paranoid, but if you look at the larger picture, people you keep around yourself may not be just your friends, but your business associates whom you will trust to keep business secrets. And a leak at that point of time could bring everything down.

I've always been very selective about who I call a friend, and trust is something I never bestow without thinking it through. But all through my life, there have always been instances when I thought I had trusted the wrong people. And unfortunately, even though some of them have apologized, a sorry just doesn't take back their actions.

I've tried multiple times to rid myself of this paranoia, but there's always someone to re-affirm my belief in the fact that "Trust is a weakness" indeed...